I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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