when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
