I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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