I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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