just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
