before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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