definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
These tits shall not be calmed
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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