I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
