That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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