I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
