Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
