he told me I talked like a deaf person
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
