im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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