last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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