Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
bring money and cleavage
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
