If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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