my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
