last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
