Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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