He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
