At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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