you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
