dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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