omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
