The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
