apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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