Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
