He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
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We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
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He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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