I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
