Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
