we have pet lesbian snakes
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
