Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Randomize
