How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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