I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
