party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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