she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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