my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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