I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
