I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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