Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My ex is stopping by while heβs working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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