i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
