My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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