So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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