My underwear smells like fireworks.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Green mimosas i think yes
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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