Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
