i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
