i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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