watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
