if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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