She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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