I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
