I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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