i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize