i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
sex in a hospital.. check
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
