So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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