Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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