..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im having a threesome with these popsicles
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
