Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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