I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
