Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
should my penis look like a turkey
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
