Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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