I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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