I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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