I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
