Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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