So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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