She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
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At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
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also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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