dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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