In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize