i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
