I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
They took my balls.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
