I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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