I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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