I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
