Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize