I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Alive.
So much puke
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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