I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
