I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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