she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
