I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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