tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
