he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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