im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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