We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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