apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
