I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
